


Darkness and Dawn

by JaneyKatherineHummingbird



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: AU, Beware, Developing Relationship, Extended Metaphor, F/M, Grief, Heavy Angst, Hopeful Ending, Jim stays dead, Mourning, Post Into Darkness, cute kid, emotional whammy, im not kidding, jim is the sun, just evil Marcus, there are no augments, this is really angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-03
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-05-24 12:41:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6154078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneyKatherineHummingbird/pseuds/JaneyKatherineHummingbird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Learning to live without Jim is hard. There is hope, though. Bethany Kirk and her son make a new friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Darkness and Dawn

**Author's Note:**

> This is the last chance to avoid pain and anguish. Don't say I didn't warn you:) If you're into angst, by all means, read on!!

The small blue-eyed boy chattered away as he clutched his mother's hand. "Daddy, Mr. Spock is teaching me about comets and meteors and planets. Space is so HUGE!!!" He flung out his little arms to emphasize this the vastness of the universe his father had once explored. "I want to be a starship captain, just like you and meet cool aliens and find new planets nobody's ever seen 'fore!!"

The sun came out from behind a cloud as the boy continued expounding on his new discoveries. The sleek, black marble headstone, near which the two figures were standing, seemed to glow in the light, like the eyes of the boy and the man he inherited them from. 

The mother, Bethany Kirk by name, smiled wistfully as she watched her son interact with the father he had never known. He was so much like Jim! The eyes, the smile, the daredevil attitude, the happy personality, were all Kirk traits. 

She had been three months pregnant when Admiral Marcus had turned on Starfleet, framing an intelligence officer (who had been investigating his production of illegal weapons) and firing on the Enterprise, which resulted in Jim's heroic death from radiation poisoning when he entered the warp core to save the ship.

Her world had come crashing to a stop with grief when he died. It felt as if The sun had gone down for her when Jim whispered a faint "I Love you, Beth" and took his last breath in the radiation chamber. During the funeral, she'd crept up to the casket and slipped a small ultrasound picture inside, fighting back tears at how horribly still and cold her husband was.

In the weeks that followed, Pike often came to check on her and would find her on the floor, wrapped around their wedding picture. She counted it a huge step when she was able to open the closet door without crying at the sight of his yellow shirts hanging in a neat row. 

Then little Matthew James Kirk had entered the world and brought back a ray of the sunshine that had been extinguished. His baby grins and cooing had brought her much comfort and gave her a reason to keep putting one foot in front of the other. His grandmother was devoted to him and would spend a lot of time holding him with tears in her eyes. As she rocked him late at night, Bethany felt a deep sympathy for Winona and wondered why life had to repeat itself in such brutal ways. "I've got my little miracle, though", she whispered, kissing Matthew's tiny nose.

Now, he had just turned five and a major change was taking place in their lives. He sharp ears picked up Matthew's explanation to his father. "Mommy's going to marry Mr. John and I'm going to start school in the fall. Mr. John's really nice, but he talks funny. Mommy say's that's cause he's from England. He's really smart and he's helping me make a model starship. You don't have to worry, Daddy, he takes really good care of Mommy. She's not sad anymore." 

Bethany smiled at her son's words. At one point she hadn't been able to imagine feeling again, much less loving someone who was NOT Jim. John had approached her briefly at the funeral, quietly offering his condolences and and apologies.  
At the time, she had numbly accepted them and hoped to never see him again. 

After Matthew was born, he had visited her in the hospital unexpectedly and again offered apologies for inadvertently making the Enterprise a target. Bethany was more inclined to forgiveness now, six months after the fact and they talked for a little while, him admiring Matthew's newborn features and her laying there, charmed by his surprising way with babies.

A tentative friendship began to form between them over the months and later, when Bethany was struggling to balance single parenting and her job at the academy, he provided a calm presence and listening ear when she was lonely or stressed. 

By the time Matthew was three, they had a solid friendship going, and John would often watch the mischievous little boy to give the exhausted mother a break. He was very good with Matthew and the small boy soon became very attached to 'Zon' as he called him. John and Bethany finally talked about the event that connected them in the most painful way. John ruefully regretted underestimating Kirk and the lengths he would go to save his crew. Bethany admitted she had blamed him for a long time before realizing how awful he felt about the blown cover that turned into a fiasco then a tragedy. The air around them felt less charged after that discussion. 

When Bethany realized that she herself was becoming attached to the dashing Brit, she panicked and tried to pull away. He was witty, charming, well-read and brilliant, but very human at the same time. If she didn't stop herself, she'd be head over heels for him and that couldn't happen. Not after Jim. It was clear John picked up on her Jekyll and Hyde moods around him, but he remained his unruffled self. 

Finally, when she started and turned beet red over the smallest of accidental contact, he sat her down and asked what was wrong." Do I make you uncomfortable, Bethany?", he had questioned gently as they sat on a bench watching Matthew feed the ducks at the pond in the park. She blushed and gaped."Yes!!.....I mean no......I mean sort of....", she mumbled, covering her hot face with her hands. "I'm uncomfortable with them the fact that I might be in love with you", she muttered, face still carefully covered.

John moved over closer to her and gently pried her hands away from her face and held them in his own. He then assured her that the feelings were mutual, but he would give her whatever time she needed to decide if she wanted to encourage the spark between them. Of course, just then she had to go chase down Matthew, who was in danger of joining the ducks in the pond and the subject dropped for the time being. However, she did not protest when he held her hand on the way home.

She reached a decision three weeks later while he was on a visit home to England. Matthew was grouchy and giving her the sad pouty Kirk face as he continually asked for 'Zon'. Bethany herself was rather out of sorts--missing John and feeling guilty for not missing Jim as much as she thought she should. "John Harrison, what have you done to me?", she whispered one night as she folded Matthew's little shirts and pants. She shivered remembering the way he had looked at her as he said goodbye. 

"What do you think, Jim?", she muttered, staring at his smiling face in their wedding picture. "You'd probably tell me to go for it. After all, there's no such thing as a no-win situation, right?" Bethany smiled crookedly. "He loves me and Matthew and that's the important thing. And I love him too. Not that I'll ever forget you. That would be impossible. I've just....opened up another room in my heart." That day, she laid the picture away in the box of mementos she kept in Matthew's room. There was sadness, but also a sense of hope. 

When John returned from his trip she greeted him shyly, but with outstretched hands and shining eyes. "I missed you", was all she said, but he got the underlying message in her eyes. "Did you, now?", he murmured, taking her hands in his. Heart pounding, she nodded, blushing from the intensity of his gaze, but keeping eye contact. "Yes. I think...I KNOW I'm okay with my feelings now. It's still a little scary, but...you're worth it. So what I'm trying to say is.....I love you, John." She dropped her gaze. 

He took her face in his hands and tilted her chin back up, so she was once more looking him in the eye. "Bethany Kirk, you are one of the bravest people I've ever met. After enduring the loss you did, you poured your life into loving your son and helping others when you could have understandably closed off emotionally after such grief. Now, you're entrusting me with that lovely heart. I'm honored." He spoke in a gentle, almost awestruck tone that deeply touched her. "I love you, Bethany--bravery, brains, and beauty all in one incredible woman." He leaned down and kissed her warmly. 

That moment marked the beginning of their new relationship and opened up something in Bethany that she had thought was gone forever when she saw Jim's hand fall from the glass. Winona and her parents seemed genuinely happy that she was dating again and offered to babysit when she and John went out. By the time the sixth anniversary of Jim's death came around having John by her side felt as natural as breathing. 

Seven months later, Emily opened up her Christmas present to find a diamond ring nestled inside. She gasped and looked at John, who was kneeling in front of her. He didn't finish asking the question before she flung herself at him whispering, "Yes, I'll marry you, you sneaky, wonderful man." He held her tightly as she blinked back happy tears and Matthew danced around triumphantly. 

They planned their wedding for June, so Jim and Bethany's former crew mates on the Enterprise could be there when they returned from the five-year mission. Matthew had been very excited to meet his heroes "Uncle" Bones and Mr. Spock, whom he had not really met in person. The good doctor was rather stunned at the small look-alike offspring of Jim who enthusiastically greeted their arrival by attempting to squeeze the breath out of him and Spock, but soon recovered himself and began to interact with the excited boy. 

There was surprisingly little awkwardness about the new relationship. Bethany made sure all Jim's friends had been notified well in advance so as to give them time to process it. Uhura hugged her for a long moment and Spock offered Vulcan style congratulations, stating that Harrison was "a very logical choice in a mate" and he hoped they lived long together. 

The whole bridge crew ended up gathering at Bethany's apartment to catch up on the last five years. Bethany described the wedding planning, their new house, and Matthew's crazy antics. (Collecting ladybugs and letting them loose in his room, for example). Matthew chattered on about their trip to England and how he was going to have 3 grandmas. After he was packed off to bed, John and Bethany told the story of how they came together, eliciting smiles and tears from those who understood the hard journey they traveled.

Now, just days before the wedding, watching her son talking to Jim's headstone, warmth washed over Bethany as a ray of sunshine illuminated them again. Matthew crowed. "Daddy's saying he's happy for us!" How fitting, she thought, hugging her small son, and leading him to the car, Jim always was compared to the sun, and he's still shining on us.


End file.
